Apparently the 80s are to Blame

In researching this plague I found out theres more to it than just a load of kids dressing like puffs/prats/dykes/turd. It apparently dates back to the late eighties and the Washington DC music scene. History lesson over. Now to the modern day dregs of society we have to deal with.

If you don't want to read you can watch the definition here: What is an Emo Vid

Emo Clothes

Emo Hair - This deserves a whole seperate page. Emo hair always requires the wearer to have one eye covered with a straight dark fringe. This obviously negates a seriously important and effective ability - binocular vision.

The idea for the emo hair style is believed to have originated from Manga and Anime hairstyles made popular by Japanese kids and plagiarised in its thousands by pig-shit American kids. Unfortunately stupidity is highly infectious and so its spread across the world from there.

If you're desperate to get hair like this then this blog post may help: How to be Scene/Emo.

DVT Jeans - As the vast majority of the emo population is young I'm not sure why they feel the need to wear DVT clothing. DVT stands for Deep Vein Thrombosis. A condition caused by blood stagnating and clotting in the veins. Often happens on long plane journeys. One way of protecting yourself from it is support socks and 'leggings'. In rolls the emo in their overly tight jeans which on the lads probably explains the gayness due to severe blood flow restriction to the testes causing death and gangrene in that most important testosterone producing region.

Badges - Holy shit. These turds are affiliated with just about every organisation, band, ideal, country, concept and shit pile in the world. They have badges for CND, acid men, weed, Age Concern, AFI, Badgers Alliance and mum & dad. Someone needs to take the pins on these and stabd the fuckers to death.

Useless Large Belts - Big studded belts used to be for girls. Not in the emo culture. Its great to be an emo guy with a huge and totally usless belt with studs and sequens. Obviously most emos are suffering anorexia/bullimia and so the belt is wholly unecessary anyway but the fact it couldn't hold anything up if it was put under strain makes these things ten times more worthless. Costing a good £10-£50 for a piece of plastic/faux-leather just to show how shit you are is not a sound investment.

Music

HIM LogoIf you're a fan of dreaery pop-punk about faux issues and pubescent angst then emo will be right up your street. Otherwise steer well clear of these loser bands - Jimmy Eat World, Dashboard Confessional, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, HIM, Panic! at the Disco and Trivium.

Jo Wiley on BBC Radio 1 in the UK once described Trivium as being the next Metallica. From then on I knew the BBC was run by giant commercial rabbits from mars and Jo Wiley was an 'anus puppet' sent to brainwash good people into listening to crap.

'Emotional'

No they are not. They on the whole are going through what every other teenager has been through except they 'feel' like they're the only ones in the world who truly understand. They need to wake up. Being told off about not doing your homework does not consitute misery on a scale requiring superficial levels of self harm. If you were cutting deep enough to slip and hit an artery then I'd be encouraging your wasted little life so you end it. Instead they take the piss and only do it for attention.
Many are anorexic. If they were fat they'd go goth out of the increased levels of depression. Goths are good - at least they're really miserable. Anorexic emos are just self-pitying turds who starve themselves so they can get into their DVT trousers.

Sexuality

Ambiguous, confused, open-minded, non-label are all words used to describe the emo's sexuality. I prefer the more succint word: Gay. It has a truth about it with no bullshit. You only have to look at the increasingly popular EmoBucket site to notice a strange pattern of behaviour in this subculture. With whole categories dedicated to "emo boys kissing" and "emo girls kissing". It seems homosexuality in emo culture is the norm and although we could see this as the birth of a more tolerant age I think its nothing more than teen sexual frustration going public and gay.